Lún Ghẻ: 1/1/26

1/29/26

Bài ̣đầu tiên không tựa 2026

Người là mộng đẹp thanh xuân

Và ta, một gã chưa từng biết mơ

Là thanh nhã một phần thơ

Tay nguệch ngoạc bao giờ nên câu

Là trăng in bóng địa cầu

Còn ta con sóng bạc đầu ngước lên

Một hình dung chẳng thể quên

Đôi khi ta thoáng nghe tên . Giật mình

Người là một bản tâm kinh

Tiếc, ta mù chữ... vô mình cả đời

(Không phải thơ Lún Ghẻ nha)

Một năm sóng gió trôi qua bao nhiêu thứ . Không có thời gian tâm trí ghi lại. Một vài dòng cho năm mới. Không vui không buồn. Lòng thổn thức nhiều thứ quá nha. Khóc mà không có thời gian hứng hết tình cảm gói lại rồi cất đi.

Xứ Mỹ thời gian nhộn nhạo tạp nham bao nhiêu hỗn loạn. Cuối ngày ngồi thiền rũ sạch tạp niệm trong ngày. Không có thời gian cho chuyện xưa. Mà chuyện xưa hàng hà xa xỉ. Ngồi ngóng lại cho hết chắc thêm một cuộc đời nữa.

Bữa nay sắp qua nửa đêm. Mà uống nhiều quá . Hết wine rồi whiskey bữa tối với vài người bạn thân. Xỉn rồi. Bao nhiêu sự thật phơi bày.

Mình kể lại chuyện này.

Hai tuần trước, sáng sớm bạn bên TX hồi Phan Đình Phùng nhắn. Mẹ D mất. Mua dùm một vòng hoa lớn dùm P nha. Mình tỉnh giấc luôn. Thiệt ? Mình coi trong mạng. Vòng hoa lớn kiểu nào. Mình hỏi bạn. Phải kiểu này không. Tin qua tin lại. Và qua lại vài người bạn khác. Các bạn khuyên . Phải có tờ cáo phó mới biết nghe Châu.

Mình text cho bạn mình. Bạn sống cạnh mình. Mười phút lái xe cách nhà mình. Mà tin mẹ bạn mất mình biết từ người bạn thiệt là xa.

Mình text bạn mình. Bạn kêu đám ma tuần sau. Rảnh ghé qua.

Mỉnh hỏi cho đi đia chỉ nhà quàng nha.

Bạn kêu. Sorry. Quên. Một hồi sau gởi cho tờ cáo phó qua điện thoại. Đia chỉ nhà quàng. Tờ cáo phó ghi miễn phúng điếu tiền / không hoa không trái cây. Đám ma bên đây chay thiệt là chay. Tịnh thiệt là tịnh luôn nha.

Mình kêu bạn mình bên TX. Không vòng hoa nha.

Mình nói bữa đám ma mình sẽ qua đại diện nhà mình và cả lớp sáu của cô Mỹ Phan Đình Phùng mình luôn thắp nhang cho mẹ D và chia buồn cùng gia ̣đình luôn nha.

Đám ma mẹ bạn tổ chức vào ngày thứ tư. Tại một nhà quàng có vị trí chính giữa nhà mình và nhà bạn.

Nhà quàng cháy trụi đen thui rào lại bằng những sợi dây nhựa vàng khuyến cáo cấm lai vãng . Nên mình đi bộ vòng qua parking lot. Lể làm bên nhà quàng nho nhỏ kế bên. Khung gian nhỏ gọn toàn người nhà với nha.

Lúc mình vào , nhà bạn bắt đầu làm lể.

Mới đầu mình nhìn ra không quen ai, ngoài bạn. Gia đình đang làm lể với thầy tụng kinh và phát tang. Bạn đang chia nhang cho gia quyến. Nhìn bạn mình xanh xao mệt mõi, gật đầu chào khách rồi lo làm lễ quỳ lạy.

Mình chập chững. Đang chơi vơi. Hên mẹ vợ bạn nhận ra mình. Bà cô ôm lấy mình. Hai người ngoại tộc gặp nhau. Đứng với nhau trong cái khí lạnh khủng khiếp của buổi sáng Seattle. Nắng sáng trắng như không ấm. Chỉ có người quen nhận ra mình nên lòng bớt lạnh mà thôi.

Mình nhìn bạn tự nhiên nhớ tới má mình . Bữa ngày xưa má mình mất mình không có đi về đám ma. Chơi vơi lạnh lùng cũng trong một tháng đầu năm như thế này. Bây giờ mẹ của bạn mất thì mình lại có duyên đưa tiễn. Duyên phận thiệt không biết đâu mà lường. Chứ bạn có báo cho mình đâu nà.

Ngày xưa lâu lắm rồi, có lần mình nhớ bạn, bạo gan đạp xe qua cái hẽm Phan Đinh Phùng kiếm, mình chỉ gặp mẹ . Bà hỏi mình kiếm ai. Xong cái bà lắc đầu kêu nó không có nhà. Vậy thôi.

Tự nhiên hôm nay nghe thầy tụng kinh thổn thức quá.

Mình nhớ tới Má, nhớ ngày xưa có Má, rồi cái mình khóc.

Lúc ra lạy mẹ, bạn quỳ lạy trả. Hai đứa nhìn nhau khóc thấy thương luôn. Khóc đã.

Xong. Cái tự nhiên mình tức cái tội bạn không báo cho mình nhắn cho cái thằng ở xa lắc xa lơ. Mình lạy thêm vài cái nữa cho bạn mình lạy trả cho mệt chơi. Hahaha.

Một lúc sau mình ra phải tự giới thiệu lại với vợ và anh chị của ban mình là ai. Vì chẳng ai nhận ra mình.

Mọi người té ngữa đây là Châu bạn hồi lớp bốn nè. Là Châu ngày xưa áo dài xanh hàng không tiễn ba mẹ của bạn qua Mỹ nè. Là Châu hay lên phường ký giấy tờ và hay gặp chị H của bạn nè. Ai cũng kêu. Không tóc nên mọi người không nhận ra. Mình rờ rờ cái đầu mình. Nhẹ nhàng. Dạ em còn không nhận ra em nữa nà.

Gia đình kể là lúc mẹ sắp ra đi thì bạn bệnh mới đi cấp cứu. Bạn chăm sóc mẹ cả gần mười năm nay. Thấy văng vắng mẹ già gần sắp đi mà cứ ngóng con trai út về. Bạn là người cho mẹ ăn mà. Chi H kêu bạn đang nằm trong bệnh viện. Mẹ bạn chờ con về lần cuối rồi mới nhắm mắt vĩnh biệt cõi đời.

Hai đứa mình biết nhau từ năm lớp bốn bây giờ cũng hơn năm mươi lăm tuổi. Già râu tóc lơ thơ. Mặt mày nhăn nheo, teo tóp. Mình nhìn lại một quãng đời rất dài . Mình với bạn. Ngày còn đeo khăn quàng đỏ rượt đánh nhau trên hàng lang trường Phan Đình Phùng. Chạy không đánh kịp là rút khăn ra quăng dây quất chét chét tơi tả cái khăn quàng.

Ngày hai đứa lớn trổ mã thanh nam tú nữ cà phê cà pháo xém nữa là yêu nhau. Giờ nhật ký ngày xưa, mình viết bao nhiêu trang nát bét sến khí thế ra cho bạn. Ngày sinh nhật mình, bạn mang cả rổ hoa hồng nhung thắm thiết, lựa lúc mình không có nhà, đưa lén cho Má. Mình về. Nhìn hoa. Trong ngày sinh nhật khóc với Má.

Ngày mình lấy chồng. Bạn cafe khóc với em gái mình.

Bây giờ hai đứa chung một thành phố. Gần còn hơn Cao thắng qua Phan Đình Phùng mà xa bằng cả một đại dương mêng mông chật vật mưu sinh con cái gia đình nhà cửa và hai cuộc sống rất bận rất riêng. Chung nhau cái ngày quá xưa. Quá cũ. Nên lúc mình gặp lại mọi người. Ai cũng nhớ. Riêng bạn là không nhớ mình nữa rồi.

Hôm gặp, vợ của bạn nói dạo này bạn hay bị bệnh sức khỏe không tốt. Đã cấp cứu hai lần rồi. Chị H kêu. Tội nghiêp. Là con trai út, cái gì cũng làm. Giờ phải kêu nó bớt làm nặng. Mà nó ốm nhom thế này.

Trước khi về, mình ôm bạn. Kêu giữ gìn sức khoẻ nha.

Mình thấy đại gia đình bạn dễ thương quá chừng. Bạn có một gia đình riêng. Con gái bạn mấy năm rồi mới gặp lại cao bằng ba. Tóc dài đen mướt. Mình nhìn bạn ngồi thắt vành khăn tang cho ngay, sửa lại mái tóc cho con. Lòng mình chùn lại.

Thương quá đi.

Vợ bạn mời. Chị Châu ăn bánh bạn em làm. Lúc mình ra về, chi H gói một bọc ly lông cái bánh mì , hai ly chè cánh gián và một dĩa bánh bèo.

Tình mình tưởng phôi pha. Giờ nghĩ lại còn nặng nha. Nha D.

Mình coi lại phone. Bạn bên TX sáng nay nhắc lại sáng nay đi thắp nhang nha Châu. Mình về có nhiêu báo cáo lại hết.

Ừa bữa nào rảnh P thu xếp qua Seattle chơi với D và Châu nha. Kêu Mai L và hẹn cho T qua nữa nha.

Ưà. Qua nha.

Em ơi 60 năm cuộc đời. Mình tới tuổi này rồi. Xòe bàn tay đếm bao nhiêu ngón nữa ̣đây.

Còn bao nhiêu năm nữa hen các bạn yêu thương của mình ơi.

Bài thơ trên tình cờ lụm được trên mạng Fb sáng trước khi đi đám ma.

Khi không cái bài thơ lẫn quẩn trong đầu cả tuần này.

Từng dòng. Hay hay mà buồn buồn. Không đâu vào đâu mà tràn đầy những nhung và nhớ. Chúng mình lãng mạn và đẹp êm đềm như bài thơ này.

Ngày xưa. Lớp cô Mỹ thân thương.

Gom góp bao nhiêu kỷ niệm. Giữ được bao nhiêu thì giữ.

Nhé.

1/28/26

The Pig 's Son experience: A Note for New Year 2026

After three years at WestPoint academy, Mando, my daughter, transferred to University of Hawaii to continue her professional swimming for the University varsity team.

From New York to Hawaii, the gap was wide open with 7 time zones apart. The space was stretching thin with uncertainty that caused anxiety for the whole family. We were in the dark hole trying to hold each other tight in sadness and depression that caused by unspoken and unprocessed trauma in the past.

However, the gap was also filled with overwhelming emotional support from the schools, swim coaches from WestPoint, Naval Academy and Seattle swim club, family members from both sides and good friends.

We arrived at Oahu in a hot summertime, August 2022, to help Mando move into a small apartment that was 10 minutes’ drive to the school and the swimming pool.

My husband also shipped Mando's red scion car from Seattle a week before we arrived.

She was ready to go back to swim and study.

My brother-in-law came over to Hawaii the same week to help with the move. He took Mando around to visit Oahu and shopping for the new place. They went to iconic Diamond Head and Waikiki beaches. They went to check out fresh Poke from Food Land.

One thing that my brother-in-law suggested for us was a nationally famous restaurant in China Town called The Pig and the Lady.

Both him and Mando were disappointed that they could not get in because it was fully booked. We were told that during the summer, The Pig and The Lady was usually booked a month in advance.

We stayed in Hawaii for three weeks that summer. Luckily, on the last day of our stay, we got reservation for dinner at The Pig and the Lady. Since Hawaii was extremely expensive in general, this Vietnamese restaurant was not exceptional. It was pricy. We usually did not go to expensive restaurants.

Yet, this time we went to celebrate Mando’s new chapter in Hawaii, known as the most beautiful place on Earth.

The dinner menu started at 5 PM. There was a long time since we arrived at 5 PM sharp. Inside, there were people chatting and sitting at the bar already. The menu was quite impressive with a lot of creative food that fuse between Vietnamese and other ethnic food.

I ordered an in house special called Phở 75 with oxtail. Mando ordered Wayuu steaks and Nguyen a poke. Later, Nguyen suggested Mando a charred marrow bone. And of course I got my vodka cocktail. The dinner was pricy but worth it. Everything was delicious and satisfying.

The “fuse” part was quite subtle, flavorful and artsy. The atmosphere was charming and cozily cute. The bathroom was showcased small gallery of old Vietnamese magazines and images of the Sai Gon before 1975.

After the first time I already knew that I would come back to try other dishes later.

Next time when I came back to Hawaii, Mando already had a small 50 cc moped to ride around. She was good at riding the moped. She bought herself a fancy black -spider man style- helmet as the school and swim coach required. But when riding with me, both comfortably without helmets. She excitedly rode me places around Waikiki and always thoughtfully asked, “Mom, are you OK ? Are you scared?” I said nope. I felt like I was coming home back in Sài Gòn on my Honda Dream Lùn .

She made a reservation to go back to The Lady and the Pig on one Saturday night. We did not have to look for the parking lot. We conveniently parked our moped right in front of the restaurant.

Both mom and daughter sat in front of the station when a skillful young chef, a stylist hair bundle on one side, wore a black professional outfit, prepared the entrée for the customers. We looked at what she made and continued to order along from her as we ate. My sweet Mando always asked and suggested me a drink first.

Again, I ordered my favorite Phở 75 with oxtail. Mando introduced me to the Burmese cabbage tea salad. The taste was surprisingly subtle. The color of white and purple cabbage mixed with green herb and peanut on top won my heart. We had few more dishes until neither could stuff our stomach. We took the left-over phở home. Both were full and satisfied.

UH swim team in 2024 was strong with the new coach came from Boston. After a year coaching, he led the whole teams both men and women won the regional championship at St. George University of Utah in 2024. Parents went to Utah to support and cheer for the team. Things were good.

The third time we came back to The Pig and the Lady was at the end of 2024 to celebrate New Year 2025.

We invited my best friend who just moved to Hawaii few months ago with us.

This time we came to try the lunch menu. My husband ordered papaya salad. I tried the Hai Nam chicken rice and mixed fish sauce. My friend had a bowl of phở. Again, everything was good.

I was a little disappointed. I told my friend, “next time we should try the dinner menu which would offer more variety.”

During that week, parents came over to celebrate senior swimmers of Hawaii varsity swim team. The event lasted from 3 PM until 9 PM. Parents, including me, my husband and my friend stayed at the pool with the team through the rainy and windy weather. The long night embraced every one with wholeheartedly warm wishes, the cheerful shouts out and thoughtful speeches they shared with the seniors. So many leis were sent to seniors that day.

We were happy and proud as Mando was finishing her 17-year professional swimming career. Staring swimming at 7 years old, now she was a senior , a big sister of the team.

Personally, I had my own happy surprise when she declared that she would aim for MFA after graduation. She would like to be an artist just like her mother and her grandmother.

Then the coach got recruited by Stanford. By the end of Mando’s last season, the coach was gone. She also finished her final swimming season in Houston.

Not busy with swimming schedule like before, Mando focused on art. She tried out glass making and ceramic. Ceramic sticked with her. Clay was earth element. Clay was solid and grounded. She was good at throwing. She was good at centering herself through clay. Also, she adventured to animation. Like I mentioned from my previous note, Mando’s unique voice over and drawings always convey such a deeper sense to finding herself inward, searching for life meaning and practicing healing.

Spring 2025, Mando decided to delay her graduation so she could go to Hokkaido University in Japan for one year extension to learn Japanese culture and art.

In summer 2025, Mando told us that The Pig and The Lady in China Town would be closed soon and moved to a new location in Moana, one mile away from University of Hawaii. The news featured an owner’s interview with emotional announcement. We were sad but that was it. We did not think much. When they move to new place, we will go there to try out as well. We thought.

We went back to Hawaii by the very end of 2025 to celebrate 2026 New Year. While Mando celebrated New Year with a new set of friends in Hokkaido, we made our reservations to go to The Pig and The Lady so we can try the dinner menu.

This new restaurant was located in an affluent neighborhood next to the University of Hawaii . Predictably, the place already packed with customers when we arrived. It was hard to find parking. My husband drove around the block twice. Finally, he had to drop me and my friend off so he could get further parking up the hilly sidewalk.

The new location looked shiny upscale, which obviously improved from the previous restaurant. The coziness was gone but at least the rest room was clean. I thought.

We were happy that we got the table 10 minutes early. Everything looked promising a good New Year dinner until The Pig’s new menu was introduced to us.

The new menu was much shorter than the previous one.

I looked up and down and I did not see anything that familiar excepted for Phở 75, Bánh xèo, Bò kho (beef stew ) and something called Canh bí đỏ ( yellow soup with Vietnamese kabocha).

My husband and my friend ordered Phở 75. I looked at the menu confusedly. The waiter waited patiently to help me to figure out what I wanted to order.

I asked about Bò kho (beef stew) which apparently was very popular and familiar in Vietnamese menu, the waiter gently explained that was not Bò kho as we knew it, it was actually pasta !!!!

Then I asked about Canh bí đỏ, the waiter again explained to me that actually another pastas dish dip with kabocha soup !

Increasingly confused, half embarrassed and half disappointed I ended up ordering bánh xèo with absolute confidence that at least I know that bánh xèo was, I thought for myself.

For the cocktail, I blindly ordered the last one from drink menu called “Part of your day” and my friend went with her favorite beer.

Follow up with phở 75 order, the waiter politely asked if we wanted the North or the South broth style. Now it was my non-Vietnamese friend got confused. Both I and my husband proudly explained to her what was the difference and I strongly suggested that she should order the North style so she would get the flavor of original Phở.

The food came first with two bowls of Phở 75. There were chopped garlic and few slides of red chill on top of something that they call “hand-chopped beef meat”.

In reality, this was a minced or grind and whatever it was that smashed up proteins into undefinable form on top of overcooked white noodle plus some seaweed- like- green in the middle and filled up with warm luke broth. Obviously, this broth was not from the North nor South. Apparently, it was not from the East nor West. It sadly came from the oblivious nonsensical straight to Hell.

Meanwhile drinks arrived with no gin that I found out after my first sip.

And.

I forgot to mention drinks came after the food. My friend lost her appetite for her food. She said, “we should have drink first and then we eat.”

The final blow to my face was the dish of bánh xèo. The yellow folded half circle pancake looked sad and pissed as someone worked overtime in the dark wet weekend without getting paid.

Who serves bánh xèo filled with slices of Chinese sauce in the middle, two slides of taro and salsa dip? They took a fish sauce away !

In order to write this note, I came back to check out The Pig and The Lady 's menu from their website.

It turned out that it was our mistake that we did not research the menu thoroughly before ordering the food. We are so entitled to the food that we grew up with, we did not even read!!!!

I thought life was already hard. We should have not need to do research before and after ordering the meal ? Because we pay for that ?

The actual title The Pig and the Lady’s Bánh xèo for the new menu was,

Pa’I’AI Banh Xeo: crispy turmeric crepe, mana ai pounded taro, lap xuong , dried shrimp, lettuce wrap, lomi tomato nuoc cham.” For $25.

I visualized a melting pot of disaster. And.

We blindly ordered and paid for it.

Our fault.

I was sorry that I did not contemplate that I have to read all of ingredients to order the bánh xèo. I am the one of the kind mothers who named my daughter after my favorite food, Bánh Xèo. I thought I knew the dish by my flesh, heart and soul.

Turn out, humbly no.

The Pig and The Lady took that confidence away! I did not know anything.

I said to myself, “Please just call something else, not called this dish as bánh xèo no more.” “Could we just at least leave bánh xèo alone?”

We did not finish the whole pancake.

We left. Heartbroken after paying $150 for the dinner plus surcharge for kitchen staff.

The disappointment turned into anger with the accusation that the new menu took the soul of the previous menu away incomprehensibly. Why changed the already nationally famous menu? Because they moved from substandard China Town to upscale Moana? Must adjust to a new affluent customers? Some one said, if you follow the money, you will find out the truth?

The soul of Vietnamese food was not there. The soulless food brough the experience down to negative zero.

Things happened for a reason, and I did not understand just yet.

One thing I know for sure that the new restaurant won’t serve hard- cored Vietnamese customers like us anymore.

For the sake of New Year, I wish The Pig and The Lady good luck with the fusing plus diversify plus inclusion adventure.

As for us, we parted from this once-beloved restaurant after the fourth time. With bitter sweet farewell, I would cherish the first time experience of in-house special Phở ̃̀75 in my heart for a fond of it.

Good things did not last forever.

When I flew back to Seattle, my son texted me asking what food I wanted to eat when I arrived. As usual, I texted him " something hot ".

He bought me a bowl of authentic phở from Phở Bắc, a restaurant one block away from our place. $ 20 bowl of regular phở tasted heavenly delicious.

The note was already long. I vented enough to peacefully put this experience behind to focus on good things we have.

I would like to share that we have had a lovely time in Hawaii for the last three years. Hawaii is undeniably one of best places on Earth. The sun , sea, wind ,sand and people in Hawaii make sense. The air in Hawaii is fresh enough so people greeting each other as Aloha ( sharing a breath to share a life ) .

Hawaii generously has offered our family a fresh start. We all finally moved out the dark hole all together as a much stronger family unit. We could stay under the sun and breath a fresh air. Something did not kill you will make you stronger. I believed.

We are planning to stay in Hawaii, without The Pig's Son (my friend suggested the restaurant should change the name to reflect their fusion upscale menu).

Time passed.

2026 here already.

Good things did not last forever and bad things would not stay permanently.

We look ahead to embrace a peaceful year.

After that dinner, me, my husband and my friend came back to our place to have more interesting things to discuses and share. Wisdom and insights unexpectedly came along as add- on bonus after the bad dinner.

One door shut. Another door opens.

Stunningly beautiful pictures of Hawaii I took on Dec, 31,2025.