in LA now

Entry for May 17, 2008

think about going to Santa, for some Viet food. but ....ok, I do not have gut to do it now. maybe ,next year.

staying in my mother- in- law 's apartment now. miss her so much . the house is so unbelievably empty without her and her bunbo and banh mam, banh beo, cha oc huong (for whenever I came back here from Berkeley).

She did not know I am in Davis now, though. She passed away just 3 months before my graduation in Berkeley.

If she was still here, she would take Banh Xeo out to Ross , buy her little grand baby about 10 or more sets of cloth, which eventually Banh Xeo would pick one and give Ba Noi the rest of the cloths in the big, blue plastic bag: " Ba noi di tra lai di, Xeo khong thich dau ".

She would show Beo $100 and $1 bill: " con thich to nao " . Of course, Beo would pick the one which the face of Franklin Benjamin . My mother in law trained him to recognize that face ( on the bill ) when he was such a tiny baby.

and me and her, we would go to Goodwill together to buy junk and decorative stuffs.

and at night, after a busy and exhausted day of shopping and playing with Beo and BX, I would sit her down and " cao gio " for her and we would chit and chat the night away.

and at the last minute , before we took off back to Berkeley, she would secretly give me couple hundred bucks so I " goi ve nha ben vn cho cac em no vui nha con ".

the house reminds me of her face, her smile, her voice. at every conner, every thing. LA reminds me of her. at every minute I am staying here.

My dad- in- law is living here all by himself. alone. he is changing alot, after he lost her. sad. alone , without bunbo . He is trying his best to be himself, without her, though.

I asked him that if he missed her sometimes. He did not answer me but showing the beautiful pots of flowers and bonside outside the patio and asked :" your mom told me to take care of her favourite plant . Do you think I am doing a good job?" .

And he proudly look around the house, which he is keeping clean and neat because " your mom told me to do so ".

we took him out to eat pho at Pho So 1 at Reseda ( my husband's family has been eating Pho so 1 for such a long time ). This was a first time my dad in law said" Pho so 1 bua nay bad qua". He did not even finish a half of his bowl, which was a very strange thing to witness this morning.

He did not say anything , but I believe that he deeply misses her too. Like me, he feels very lonely in this world after she had gone.