5/23/24
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Dream of childhood house and a Baby Dragon
I had a dream last night 05/21/2024 that showed me childhood friend Thảo, who lived with me in the Cao Thắng building from I was 7 years old until we both got married and moved out of the building 20 years later.
Thảo was the only friend I hung out with throughout my entire childhood. Also, I was the only friend that Thao's parents allowed her to spend time with. Both of us did not hang out with other children at the "hood". Other children were allowed to be out on the street. We were not. We were either at her apartment or mine. We either hang out with me alone or with both of my brothers and sister. No one else. We shared the same lonely childhood together.
On the third-floor balcony across her apartment's window. We were 11-12 years old at that time.
At my 15th birthday party
( I believe the two black and white pictures were taken by Ba Minh. Now I remember that all black and white pictures of my family and friends were photographed by him. )
At my apartment's little kitchen making yellow pancakes called bánh xèo with my mother and in her little living room on her birthday over 20 years ago. My little sister, Mưa sent these photos to me when she re-modeled her house three months ago, in 2024. My heart squeezed hard seeing how happy and young and innocent we were.
Me and Thảo talked over FB messenger over time not often because we both are busy living our lives. After we got married, we slowly walked two separate paths.
I live in the US while Thảo stays in Vietnam with her husband and three sons. Later she send three of them to the US to study. We keep each other in touch via FB pages and later messengers.
The last time we met each other in person was at the wedding of her second son. We called him Bia Em at home (Bia is Beer, Em is the younger sibling in Vietnamese).
It was late October 2022 Saturday. The rain was hard soaking wet Westminster that night.
She greeted me with a big hug and, "Oh man. Are you cold-wearing like this? " I respond to her, " I thought you were a bride." Both laughed, just like in the old days.
I was the only friend of her that came to the wedding. We were placed to sit at the groom's family table. Her second son is the same age as Beo, my son. Interestingly, both were born and lived their first few months at the Cao Thang building.
At the wedding, we showed off a few rare fading black-and-white pictures of our childhood to the other guests which served as my introduction and explanation of why a total stranger like me was at the wedding not knowing everyone around.
at her son's wedding party in 2022
Besides my childhood, some black-and-white pictures, and that rare wedding occasion, I connect to her mostly through my dreams. In my recurrent dreams, I always see her at Cao Thang building sometimes in our apartment together, sometimes at the stairwell. I remember the dreams were always dark. Last night's dream was surprisingly different. No Cao Thang. No apartment. No darkness.
Instead, in the dream, she sends me $ 200.000 asking me to pay off the house for her. She sends money through an American electronic system called Zelle.
I woke up from a peculiar dream.
The first thought that came to my mind was that she bought the house in the US for her son?
Then I brushed it off. Nope. Too shallow. In my dreams, obvious things like that do not happen.
I texted and shared the dream with her. She
said, "No house" and sent me a picture of her second son, his wife, and a picture of a newborn
baby.
I could not believe that my childhood friend now has become a grandma.
Is that the paid-off house? The fruitful result of the marriage. A beautiful baby?
I said congratulations. I asked questions about the baby including name and birthday.
Last night
she texted me back “May 13. Sound familiar to you?”
May, 13!
Of course. Birthday of my little sister and the death day of Ba Minh. Turned out Thao remembers my little sister's birthday.
May,13,1978.
She did not know the death day of Ba Minh but she remembers Ba Minh as clearly as I do.
I always believe dream works with layers.
This dream is deeply personal working in layers that intertwined with my best friend from the past.
She was my only friend who witnessed back-to-back bad things that happened to my 12-year-old little girl. She knows things I would never reveal to my sister and brother.
As my only friend, she held a safe space for me to survive my darkness by spending time night and day with me and my two siblings. Through countless dark nights without electricity, we kept each other company. We played cards. We made eggshells into dolls, dressed them up with newspaper, and decorated them with my mother's watercolors. We set up the small theater for a puppet show. We were both actors and audiences. We played hopscotch draw with white chalk on the cement floor on the rooftop every morning during summer. We carried hand-made lanterns with a tiny flickering candle inside at night along the hallway during the mid-autumn festivals.
She is holding a safe space for me to re-enter my darkness as an adult. After 34 years.
She suggested, " Can you look at your past from a different angle? a little less dark? "
" I am doing it," I told her.
She is also my friend who unconsciously appears in my recurrent dreams.
Last night she told me "to pay off the house". She sends me the money.
Pay it off, Châu! This is over.
2024 already.
We texted. She said she could not endure my emotional pain for me. She said that she would not read my blogs because she already knows how painful it would be but she will be available right here with me as I am walking through the darkness to heal my wounds.
The $200.000 symbolized her emotional currency as her support?
To pay off my childhood trauma?
I have to do it myself.
A new baby is born. Same day. Random? Or. This. May 13, 2024, will change the meaning?
Not guilt/ not sad/not mad /not outburst /not death but reborn to a fresh, pure, brand new future?
Thảo nicknamed her first grandson bé Rồng (Baby Dragon ) for 2024 is the year of a Dragon.
Something powerful like a dragon that emerged on the same date that has been haunting me?
I can dive into the darkness and unknown territory to heal myself because, in the past, there were dear people like my friend, sister and brother, mother, and father to hold me safely.
Also, I can step into my pain because I have a lovely family, such as my husband and my two children to anchor me to the solid ground.
This is not random. This is an absolute truth that a beautiful rainbow always appears after the rain.
I remember this statement from Carl Gustav Jung, " No tree can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to Hell".
It all makes sense if I pay enough attention.
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