Drinking (rice ) wine is a name of Bui Giang’s last poem (at least I was informed by the internet).
I found his poem awhile back. The poem got my attention at once. Since then, it continues to draw me in time to time for a few years now.
I wanted to create art about it. For
unclear reason, this poem is overwhelmingly profound. I developed a personal connection reading
it repeatedly before understanding the underlying meaning between lines. The fact that he wrote it
before he passed away chilled my bone.
The poem was written in Vietnamese. In general, poem has metaphors
and hidden layers of meanings. In contrast, this poem is obviously straight forward
black and white that functions like a good slap onto my face every time I read it.
Line after line.
As the result, I decided to quilt the poem in black and white for the group show the end of this year. I started last month with a lot of anxiety. I was afraid that I could not finish it on time for the deadline. I ended up finished half of this poem in one quilt, mean I need to start another quit to finish off the poem.
My anxiety showed in both uneven hand embroidery and zic zac machine sewing weaving each others. After managing to sew all the texts filling up the quilt, my anxiety is fading away a little bit that allowed me to stay calm and process what is going on. Turned out the anxiety was never about the fear of missing the deadline, the anxious feeling stemmed from something much deeper inside me. The yearn to re-connection with my father.
Uống xong ly rượu cuối cùng
Bỗng nhiên chợt nhớ đã từng đầu tiên
Uống như uống nước ngọc tuyền
Từ đầu tiên mộng tới phiền muộn sau
Uống xong ly rượu cùng nhau
Hẹn rằng mai sẽ quên nhau muôn đời
Em còn ở lại vui chơi
Suốt năm suốt tháng suốt nơi lan tràn
Riêng anh về suốt suối vàng
Trùng phùng Lý Bạch nghênh ngang Tản Đà
Em còn ở với sơn hà
Anh còn mất hút gần xa mất hoài.
This is my raw version of English translation.
Drink up the last glass of rice wine
Suddenly ( I ) remember the first time (I) used to drink
The wine tasted like alkaline water
From the first dream to the latter sadness
Drink up the last wine together
I promised tomorrow we will forget each other forever
You stay back to indulge life
Whole day whole month endless every where
As for my part, I will return to the underworld golden
stream
To be reunion with Ly Bach and swagger with Tan Da.
You stay back on this land
I will get lost near and far forever.
note: Ly Bach was one of the most famous Chinese poets/ Tan Da was the same famous Vietnamese poet both passed away long time before Bui Giang I think this is a best line, the soul of the poem. Death is equalizer. The courage to face death? Too deep here ! I will come back and explore further.
My word to word basic translation is not even near anything Bui Giang’s
poem but this is a first attempt for me to explore this poem in both English
and Vietnamese.
The theme for my quilts is reconnection to my father. He passed away 08/10/1994. Over 30 years ago, three of us went to his funeral. We did not cry. I felt numb and guilty because I could not cry. I mourned my father in public but secretly grieving him with numbness and callousness.
This is one page of my diary 1994 expressed before and after my father passes away.
I don't feel sorry for my 23 year old young lady who used such harsh words to describe true and dark feeling toward the death of her father because I knew that she was truthful to her flesh and bone writing things like that.
However I am looking forward for my 54 year old lady who could think differently at this moment and ready to process true grief and loss which happened 3 decades ago. My intend is to let go the upsetting past so I can move on grieving my father with love and peace.
In 2024, finally I did creative writing workshop for grief and lost, I developed a deepen connection with my father. I started to wish I had talk to him. I met him in my dream once time. He wanted to reconcile with my mother. I wished I had ask him about his two trips from North to the South Vietnam to cover the Vietnam/ American War. I wished I had known him more about his life and his marriage to my mother. I wish I had known his side of the story.
Bui Giang’s poem served like a key to open up my forever yearn talking to my father. I
would like to have a drink with my father. I would like to truly had a last
wine to say goodbye to my father. I cried missing him first time in my life
last year. I wrote about it.
Quilting project for this show will be focused to explore my true grief and loss of my father who passed away 30 years ago. Like every one else, my father is deserved to be grieved with love.
Eventually.
Another note to calm my anxiety : The tittle as Drinking ( rice ) wine is to distingue from rice distilled wine apart with grape or other fermented wine . I would assumed that the poet would implied that he drink rice wine ( rượu đế in Vietnamese ) as well I would imagine me drink rượu đế with my father.
